My youngest daughter started daycare, my eldest is in pre-kindergarten, and I’m studying my Master of Counselling. All of us are in school. Well, except my husband. But he doesn’t feel too left out about it.
I absolutely love being in school. It’s a big investment but it has been the best decision I’ve made in a long time. Learning more about human behaviour and how to be a better, kinder, more compassionate and well boundaried person. Is there anything more interesting and important to learn about?
Now that my kids are out of the baby phase, life has become easier in many ways. For one, all of us are finally getting some sleep. Which helps everything, and everyone, function better.
While I don’t miss the baby phase at all, I am still a bit sad to say goodbye to it forever. My youngest is two and is growing up fast and furiously thanks to her big sister whom she copies constantly. She no longer calls a balloon a “boon” or ice cream “i-fream”. She is starting to use the proper words for things. My eldest daughter, who will be 4 years old this week, still says “hostable” instead of hospital and I am holding on to the that one for dear life. I didn’t realise how adorable and sad and sweet it is to witness your baby’s become functional and articulate. As a parent it’s like you have a vision of your child and then suddenly they change it again, and again, and you just have to keep up with this new version of them. Of course, we want them to grow and evolve but there is still a little pang of sadness for all these versions we have to say goodbye to.
On the other hand, it’s been interesting to experience life beyond motherhood. When I am not studying, I am working as a subcontractor offering one on one art therapy in a real life art studio in Pemberton. I also run group art therapy workshops and recently finished hosting a series of workshops in Lonsdale thanks to the North Shore Neighbourhood House. It’s been a pleasure hosting these group workshops. I met new people and learned more about life from different points of view. What I love most about group work is the feeling of community and strength. When people share what’s most intimate and important to them there is a sense of comradery and collective support that emerges.
I’ve also started to finally tap into myself again. You know how it is, after kids you sort of “lose yourself” a bit. Pre-kids I found this to be the weirdest concept ever. How can I lose who I am? What I’ve come to understand is that when you have very young kids you can easily lose your focus, internal sense of curiosity, and control over your day to day life. When every waking minute is focused on someone else and their needs your needs get buried. Certain things you prioritised before, like even showering, get dropped to the bottom of the priority list. Everything is about your children. This can be a dangerous and slippery slope. Everyone needs a break. Everyone deserves to listen to their own needs and tend to them. If we don’t, who will?
Now I drop both kids at school, which in and of itself is a massive, chaotic ordeal, and then I come back home, and everything is so quiet I can hear the sounds of my house. The cars outside, the hum of the fridge. The sound of my own self breathing. It feels wildly luxurious to have an entire afternoon to myself. Nowadays I have hours to myself to study, work, clean, make dinner, and even get a workout in.
I still find it hard to prioritise my creativity. School has been a massive mental load. There are so many readings. I am learning so much and loving the feeling of learning and my brain changing. But if I am not studying, I feel like I should be.
Strangely enough it was thanks to an excruciating painful dental surgery that gave me a chance to indulge in some of my own creativity. I was given codeine to ease the pain which I was told would make me tired. Instead it had the opposite effect. It felt like I had swallowed a bunch of caffeine pills. Since I couldn’t do much because my face was swollen and it hurt to speak, I ended up allowing myself to relax. This was also the first time since having kids where I actually took care of myself in the way I would for them. It felt good to treat myself with the same tenderness I do for my kids.
So, I ended up redoing my ‘Enchanted Collection’ book. (Yes, this is my idea of relaxation). In the original I used AI to create the images. Back then I hadn’t realised then how bad AI was for the environment, or for humanity. But when you know better, you do better, right? So, I decided to just create my own version of the book using my own little doodles and hand drawn images. It was so fun to create illustrations for my favorite stories. This version is called ‘Myths and Legends from Around The World’. The illustrations will certainly not win any prizes, but they are drawn by me, a real human, and that counts for something. It’s currently available now on Amazon. You can find it here. I also did an interview with the wonderful Theresa from
Seechangemakers and we talked about grief and loss and motherhood with another writer, Celeste Snowden. You can watch the interview here.
So, that’s it. The Christmas season has truly begun. Every December I think of the lyrics to Happy Xmas when John Lennon sings, “So This is Christmas… and what have you done? Another year older. A new one just begun.”
May you have a wonderful month ahead. Merry Christmas!
Art Therapy with Kimberly 